a very bad day
I'm going to bed in a few minutes. I have a lot to do, but I can't do it 'cause I have to work in my day job that is more like a "life" work. This is my life now.. I wake up.. I prepare for going to work, I come from work, I go to sleep 'cause I have work,, That's it. I get pain lest that I would if I work cleaning toilets and I'm trapped there.
Is not that I will just get use to the idea and stay there... I will probably be ranting forever and wander until I brake free.
I feel miserable. This morning I realized how miserable I feel and went to work all depressed. For what am I doing all this... Have all being worthless...
I have a career to develop and I can't do it because it need time and I am working my 60+ hours a day get paid only like 40 and have no time for anything else. For what I didn't see my family on Holidays? Just for the job that is the summary of everything I don't want in a job?? and let me see if I remember... for what did I went to study music in 1st place??
Well I have a past due goal that every day drips through my fingers like water. while I see time passing by and I feel I'm agonizing. I feel my time is getting over. I feel the clock is ticking and I know that bonb is on, But I can't escape.
This is swimming a long way just to come to die on the shore.
So I have felt like this all day... well maybe a whole month now. But today... today I really felt miserable. I can not go where I want to go or do what I want to do. I worked my life off for having a career and now I'm trapped. I can not do anything. This is worst that just going back home to the nothingness.
Well... today I had a very bad day at work just to make it "better" I sold only like $400 and it came a return of $300.. >> Great.. ( I should have like $2,000 or something like that.)
Oh... I spended a lot of time with a very nice man that was willing to buy a guitar.... (those were expensive guitars.. Taylors. starting at $1,6000) but yeah.. he ended up buying only a stand.....>> great.. I I felt so great just to talk him into buying it is he is not really interested. (I hate this job!).. And ooops he paid with his credit card and gave me his ID.... company Policy and I forgot to give him the cards back.. Great!! >> My Boss realized it.. not me.. >> Even more Great!! and I called his house ... like one hour and a holf away... judging by his Worcester phone number. I called his phone number on file and a kid took the message.... >> GReat!
I was frustrated... and hungry.. so I took a lunch brake... at 6:15pm. I went to Wendys at Mass Av ‘cause I wanted an unhealthy hamburger... and when I was done.. my wallet was gone somebody stole it!! >> GREAT!!! I reported the card stolen and somebody had already used the card on Newbury Comics!! >> Even more Great. I lost everything. Including my SS card (I had it there cause My Boss asked me for it and I forgot to put it back in the drawer. And a $15 gift card from my co-worker... gone.. and the worst.. My Berklee card.... lost. I really wanted it as a memory. It hurts.
See.... my life is so depressing that I have to finish this update later.. 'cause I have to go to sleep 'cause I have to go tomorrow in my Job at 9am and it takes me about an hour to get there. So I'm waking up at 7:00 am. >>.... << .. U_U GReaT!